Self esteem comes from within. It should not come from accolades received from others. Your esteem and self worth should never be based on the praise or what others think of you. I can recall, a time in my life where I begin to notice my self esteem being slowly diminished. The immediate presumption that it was a male to cause this devaluing of self esteem is not true, it was a female. We were friends, we joined each other on outings almost everyday, spent a lot of time together. Slowly and subtly she begin to say things to degrade me, always finding fault in what I did. It could be something as simple as me combing my daughters hair, ‘that pony tail should’ve been on the other side’ or she would say to me, ‘you need to cut your hair, long hair is not ‘in’. She even degraded my healthy cooking because I didn’t use hot-sauce. She also made it a point to let me know just how prettier she was in comparison to me. What type of friend does that? An insecure one.
Well needless to say, these actions went unnoticed for some time, until one day I recognized it. I don’t think she did what she did on purpose. I don’t think she knew what she was doing. I believe her insecurities prompted her to act out with jealousy and the need to validate herself through my actions. At first I ignored it, but soon afterwards I found myself being sucked into her way of thinking. What I had done, was allow her to bring me into her instability and her insecurities.
Sometimes when you find yourself on an emotional roller coaster, could it be that you have allowed someone to bring you into their instabilities, their indecisiveness, their insecurities? Never allow someone to bring you into their emotional instability. Know who you are and what you want. That is a sure sign of maturity. When you are tossed to and fro, because of the actions of someone else, you have given them control, allowing them to dictate your worth. You never have to accept negativity from anyone. You only receive what you allow.
I did not stop being her friend, I understood why she thought the way she did. However, what I did do, was not allow her to bring me into her zone and I also limited our time together. This was just one of the many lessons the Lord taught me early on in this continuous journey of mine. Not everyone is going to understand you, nor will they understand why you do what you do, and because of that they will judge you. But no matter what someones judgmental opinion is of you…you have to KNOW YOUR WORTH…because not knowing who you are is the quickest way to low self esteem and becoming a people pleaser.
Then Peter began to speak: “I now realize how true it is that God does not show favoritism but accepts from every nation the one who fears him and does what is right. Acts 10:34-35
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. Psalm 139:14
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9